fragile ephemeral future

the dreams are getting worse. today was a bad one. it wasn't a bad dream. well it was. but mostly it's the transparency that was bad. i can't even write about them here, i can only write about the ones that--aren't so bad.

i got up two hours ago. i think i might be starting to feel normal again now

i don't know

scissors salt

cryptic cryptic cryptic

we have this running joke up here in my department. when things are bad or when someone accuses you of being a republican or you get an impossible deadline you say: i'm going to go in the bathroom and take my own life.

ha ha ha

(please ignore this, i'm trying to get it together when i feel like--i'm a fountain of blood in the shape of a...)

teetering

okay.

ah, this post is probably going to embarass me later. i'll bet i'll take it down.

i wonder if there is some sort of drug i could shoot in my veins that would make me forget these dreams.

Christ.

.