Number Three

Hello once again, oh nonexistent readers! Since I have the GRE exam coming up in a couple o' days and need to at least pretend to study, I've handed the blog over to Jenelle for the night. If you are coprophobic (and if you don't know what that means, you most likely aren't) then continue at your own risk:

Ahem, may I have your attention please? .....(long pause) Ok then, I would like to start off by introducing myself. My name is Jenelle and I have been asked by Suley to write a post in J. Star's absence.

A few things I'd like you to know about me: I live in Arizona, but am a New York native, Long Island to be more specific. I have a strange sense of humor, you either get me, or you don't. I am a pathological liar...no not really. Or am I?

I have decided to continue with Suley's theme. Unfortunately, I don't have any fun stories about trampolines or tricks preformed on them...so I had to settle on a couple of stories from my childhood instead. I think I will break them up into mini episodes, starting from early on in my childhood and progressing into the monsters we children became..

My mother was a single mom raising 2 kids. Funny thing about my mom is that she didn't like acting like a mom. So often we were left alone to fend for ourselves. Despite the lack of supervision we were good kids. Don't get me wrong...We were the kids on the block your momma warned you about, but considering the freedom we had I think we did pretty damn ok.
My brother is only 13 months younger than me. As a result we were very close. We did everything together ever since I could remember walking. My mom tells a story at every family gathering that proves just how close we were...

Flashback to me at the age of about two and my brother just one year old. We would not go to sleep for a nap unless we were in the same crib, and my mother obliged us, if only to keep me from screaming. Apparently I had a set of lungs....Anyway, One day , like every other, nap time came. My mother put both of us down and left. About an hour later, she poked her head into the bedroom to check up on us only to find me, standing in the crib smiling as big as I possibly could. In my hand was a dirty diaper. My brother Dennis was sitting up looking at me, naked as the day he was born. For whatever reason I had decided to paint the walls with poop. She said she wasn't sure what hit her first, the horrible stench, or the doodie smeared walls, but she claims that she was so grossed out that she immediately closed the door. Instantly, I began to cry and she poked her head back in and once again I smiled as huge as I possibly could...Kinda gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "shit eating grin" now doesn't it?

That was only the beginning of our great friendship. I remember as we were a bit older that we had the same friends. We hung out everyday after school and were inseparable. There was a lot of perks to having my brother around all the time. He would not let anyone bully me around, he always took my side if I had a fight with one of my friends and he also was sorta my little monkey boy, meaning anything I asked him to do... whether he wanted to or not, I could persuade him.

Along with perks of being so close to your best friend also come the negative aspects. Every time I had to go potty, he would sit just outside the door and wait. If he was feeling particularly anxious to go out and play, he would ask me "Jenelle, what are you doing?" To which I replied "Going to the bathroom, you dork!" If this answer didn't satisfy him he would continue, "Jenelle, what are you doing in there, number one or number two?"

I'll give you a second here to picture this...Yeah pretty funny huh?

I was usually pissed by this point because he had been sitting outside the door waiting for me and harassing me. I knew the one answer would get him running. "Dennis, I'm doing Number Three!" He always went off running and screaming "GROSS!!!"

Heeheehee. You will just have to excuse me. I love bathroom humor and there was a whole lot of that going on in my childhood. Well I hoped you enjoyed your stay here. Please come again. I intend to post other shenanigans from my childhood with my sidekick Dennis. Now he was a funny kid....

(to be continued)