And it's not even a full moon...

My intention was to get to that ten horrible ways to die list that I sorta posted about and Saphenous turned into a meme and poked me in the butt with, but I'm too sleeeepy. I will do it soon, I think...

Before I knock off for some much-needed zzzzs, I must tell this story.

This morning, I was walking in to work from the parking lot. It's a fair walk. To get to my building, I have to cross the intersection of death: Third Street and Central, where eighteen lanes of traffic converge into something that is less organized than a monkey shitfight at the zoo. Third is one-way east of the intersection; Central is two ways north and south, and Third is two ways on the west side of the intersection. Above this intersection, there are three highway overpasses, making it VERY NOISY. Crossing it every day has become a zen ritual. I get to the curb, I take a deep breath, I feel the pattern of the traffic, and I take the plunge. Miraculously, I have not been killed yet, but I feel fairly certain it's only a matter of time.

So I was on the north side of Third, getting ready to cross Central this morning, and I'm watching this dude driving a beige-colored late-nineties Camry. This is all very normal. I am just watching him drive west on Third, and I am trying to decide if he's going to turn right on Central or not, and if I should hurry up and walk or wait for him to see if he'll turn. So. To recap. Dude in Camry, turning right. Me waiting.

The dude gets closer. I notice that there is a woman in his passenger seat. As he gets even closer, I notice that the woman, see, is not wearing a shirt. And I think to myself, am I seeing this? And as the car gets even closer, I notice movement in the back seat. And as the car turns in front of me at a high rate of speed, I notice, in the back seat,

a young mountain lion. Turning its head to watch me step up onto the curb.

I shit you not, y'all. There was a dude, driving a beige Camry, downtown in a large city at morning rush hour, with a topless woman and a mountain lion in his car.

That thing was the size of a large dog.

And, that pretty much set the precedent for the rest of my day.