Friday, September 09, 2005

And it's not even a full moon...

My intention was to get to that ten horrible ways to die list that I sorta posted about and Saphenous turned into a meme and poked me in the butt with, but I'm too sleeeepy. I will do it soon, I think...

Before I knock off for some much-needed zzzzs, I must tell this story.

This morning, I was walking in to work from the parking lot. It's a fair walk. To get to my building, I have to cross the intersection of death: Third Street and Central, where eighteen lanes of traffic converge into something that is less organized than a monkey shitfight at the zoo. Third is one-way east of the intersection; Central is two ways north and south, and Third is two ways on the west side of the intersection. Above this intersection, there are three highway overpasses, making it VERY NOISY. Crossing it every day has become a zen ritual. I get to the curb, I take a deep breath, I feel the pattern of the traffic, and I take the plunge. Miraculously, I have not been killed yet, but I feel fairly certain it's only a matter of time.

So I was on the north side of Third, getting ready to cross Central this morning, and I'm watching this dude driving a beige-colored late-nineties Camry. This is all very normal. I am just watching him drive west on Third, and I am trying to decide if he's going to turn right on Central or not, and if I should hurry up and walk or wait for him to see if he'll turn. So. To recap. Dude in Camry, turning right. Me waiting.

The dude gets closer. I notice that there is a woman in his passenger seat. As he gets even closer, I notice that the woman, see, is not wearing a shirt. And I think to myself, am I seeing this? And as the car gets even closer, I notice movement in the back seat. And as the car turns in front of me at a high rate of speed, I notice, in the back seat,

a young mountain lion. Turning its head to watch me step up onto the curb.

I shit you not, y'all. There was a dude, driving a beige Camry, downtown in a large city at morning rush hour, with a topless woman and a mountain lion in his car.

That thing was the size of a large dog.

And, that pretty much set the precedent for the rest of my day.

17 Comments:

At September 09, 2005 11:38 PM, Blogger lasomniloquy said...

the word for that is - Extraordinary. I just can't imagine getting up early, getting ready for a ride in the car and then having the extra responsibility of taking off my clothes. It makes me tired.

 
At September 10, 2005 1:06 AM, Blogger Jenelle said...

Dude, that is some weird shit. It's the sort of thing one sees only when theyre high, so that they are unsure later if what they saw was real or not...you weren't high now were you? Huh? *wink, wink*

 
At September 10, 2005 6:19 AM, Blogger Mr. H.K. said...

Here in New York, we would say:

"Yeah, Whatever!"

Hehehe...

Cheers,

Mr. H.K.
Postcards from Hell's Kitchen
And I Quote Blog

 
At September 10, 2005 10:08 AM, Blogger Greg said...

Meh....now, if the the mountain lion were breast-feeding from said woman, I'd be shocked.

 
At September 10, 2005 11:33 AM, Blogger d.K. said...

Whatever drug you're taking, I want some of that.

Too funny. It sounds like a Salvador Dali painting - on incongruous image after another. The good news is that's a great story that I'm sure you'll be retelling for the rest of your life to an always amused audience :)

 
At September 10, 2005 2:23 PM, Blogger Indigo said...

10 horrible ways to die? Well, that's awefully grusome (that word doesn't look like it's spelled right, but whatever), don't you think?

A. Mountain. Lion.

You are kidding, right?

 
At September 10, 2005 4:36 PM, Blogger deputyswife said...

That is just too freakin weird...

M asks "Hey hon, see anything interesting today?"

J says "Yeah, a dude driving a camry had a topless woman in the front seat and a mountain lion in the backseat."

M ponders "Should I have made J wear a mask while sanding the bathroom walls?"

 
At September 10, 2005 4:51 PM, Anonymous E said...

you're just missing the carnival music playing in the background.

 
At September 10, 2005 5:33 PM, Blogger Christian said...

Great. Thanks for making OUR day a little more surreal, too! :~)

 
At September 10, 2005 5:34 PM, Anonymous M said...

Once I saw a chick ringing a buzzer in downtown Montreal with no pants. Just bareass to the -20 world.
How's Kiva's ear?

 
At September 10, 2005 7:45 PM, Blogger Sangroncito said...

You just never know what you might see in Cincinnatti (and one day I'll learn how to spell it, too).

 
At September 10, 2005 7:45 PM, Blogger Sangroncito said...

You just never know what you might see in Cincinnatti (and one day I'll learn how to spell it, too).

 
At September 10, 2005 7:45 PM, Blogger Sangroncito said...

You just never know what you might see in Cincinnatti (and one day I'll learn how to spell it, too).

 
At September 10, 2005 7:45 PM, Blogger Sangroncito said...

And I'm seeing triple today, too!

 
At September 10, 2005 8:46 PM, Blogger The Great Saphenous said...

That is some pretty damn fucked up shit! You know I'm shocked because I don't normally get that vulgar. Reminds me of the dictionary incident. It's incredible how much weird stuff I remember now that I blog.

No rush on the list. I only commented on it because I thought you hadn't noticed that I tagged you.

 
At September 10, 2005 9:37 PM, Blogger Allan said...

"I want what she's smoking."

:)

That's hilarious. You have to love life in the city.

 
At September 11, 2005 1:02 PM, Blogger Tay Hota said...

wow, that's called living life... has the very potential of becoming part of your "worst ways to die" list...

 

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