Saturday, October 15, 2005

Dopey stuff I have done this week

  • I got another flat tire, driving in to work on Tuesday. On the highway. In morning rush hour. Genius! I decided that I'd rather bend the rim and pay to replace it than try to change the tire in the gutter of I-75 in traffic, so I kept going to an exit and pulled into a Speedway, where I managed to change the tire. Sadly, I had to call M (and it was his day off! Doh!) to give me a hand, and he, being bigger and stronger than I, was able to get the tire off the car (it had rusted on and wouldn't be convinced with my feeble kicks and shoves and yanks to come off). We swapped vehicles and I drove his truck the rest of the way downtown, and he drove my spare-tired car home. M's truck, I should note, has a bumper sticker that says "I love explosives" on it.
  • I had to park in a different lot than the one I usually park in due to my rather late arrival at work that day. When I left for the day, I got into M's truck, which is old and has no power steering, and promptly backed it into a post. For a giant billboard that says "Abortion stops a beating heart." I put a sizeable dent in the bumper, but luckily it was not on the bumper-sticker side.
  • I accidentally said "motherfucker" at work. Oops.
  • I woke up with my face in the dog's ass. The perils of letting the dogs share the bed with you...
  • Yesterday at work, we had a picnic thing, and sumo wrestling. You know, with the big dopey costumes, like this. I was up against a dude who is, no kidding, 6'7". He is the tallest dude at the company. I am, let's just say, shorter than that. By a lot. I wriggled my way into the sumo suit. I was wearing a hoodie with Cookie Monster on it (shut up) and my sunglasses were in the pouch of the hoodie, which I forgot. The nice metal sunglasses, not the cheap plastic sunglasses. In the course of sumo wrestling enormous dude, my sunglasses came out of the pouch and rotated around behind me, and when enormous dude knocked me down, I landed right on the sunglasses, right in the middle of my back.
  • Let us just pause for a moment here to say, owfuckthathurtalot.

And--oh!--the week's not over yet! I have a full, glorious, sunshiney day in which to do dopey stuff to add to this list! Assuming I can move around, since today I am in more than a little pain from the sumo sunglasses incident...


At October 15, 2005 9:35 AM, Anonymous M said...

You have a Cookie Monster hoodie? That freakin' rules. I saw a Ghostbusters hoodie about 3 years ago and didn't buy it. I've regretted it ever since.
By the way, I managed to back into a parked car and a signpost this year with my brand-new car, so don't fret, we all do it. Just spackle M good and proper and he'll forgive you (and now I feel wierd signing this M).

At October 15, 2005 10:30 AM, Blogger Greg said...

Oh your poor thing! Waking up, looking at the tiny pucker of your dog's ass!!! At least the cars can be fixed and the sunglasses replaced. That image will be burned in your mind forever!!!

Or, at least until something else unusual happens.

At October 15, 2005 10:43 AM, Blogger Sweet. said...

More injuries? I would say that someone should dress you in a giant sumo costume for work each day, you know, if you weren't injured in a giant sumo costume. Honestly, that takes a special kind of commitment to pain. You and pain are like this. [crosses fingers]

You don't mess with anti-abortion billboards. Jesus is the quick dry cement that holds them in place. And Jesus is strong. He's got that carpenter's musculature.

I just got the oddest sense of deja vu with this comment. Hm...

At October 15, 2005 12:15 PM, Blogger cmhl said...

oh MY!!!! may I just say, that i had a hearty internal guffaw that you said motherfucker at work.


At October 15, 2005 3:27 PM, Blogger Mr. H.K. said...



Mr. H.K.
Postcards from Hell's

And I Quote Blog

At October 15, 2005 4:09 PM, Blogger Jen said...

I've always wanted to try that sumo wrestling thing. They do shit like that on cruise ships. Looks like fun, but I'd probably also get injured.

I remember, quite fondly, when my dog slept in bed with me (before the husband). He was such a hog!!!! It doesn't help that he's the size of a dinosaur. But we make sacrifices for the ones we love, right?

Sorry about your flat- that's a buzzkill and a half.

At October 15, 2005 6:23 PM, Blogger suleyman said...

So I take it that it's not massive spinal damage and just a nasty sore/welt?

Does this mean that our trampoline deathmatch is off?

Thanks for the props on my photos. That means a lot coming from you, sensei :)



At October 15, 2005 7:26 PM, Blogger BG said...

You dropped the MF bomb at work?! THAT must have been hilarious!


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