Monday, January 23, 2006

Ties

That ex of mine that I spent so much time bitching about over the summer when I was doing that book index for her called me today and asked me to be the executor of her will. I've never been the executor of somebody's will before. It makes me feel all grown-up and like I should be much more mature than I am. But I told her I would be honored. She has a very strange (bad) family situation and the person who was previously executor of her will won't even talk to her anymore, so she said she was updating it and needed someone she could trust and who knew her well and would know what she wanted, and that I was that person. It is strange to think that I've known her for about ten years now and that the relationship we have to one another has evolved through such strange, strange channels to lead to this. I mean, a will, you know, it's the essence of what you don't want to think about. But what you really must think about.

It also made me think about the plight of those less fortunate than I am in terms of family. I try my damndest not to take what I have for granted, but sometimes I forget. Today made me remember not to forget. Even though I am mad at my brother, I still love his guts and would lay down my life for him, and I know the reverse is true too. And I am so lucky to have that. So lucky that I'm getting a little teary writing this.

On the note of family, my mom and her three remaining brothers are meeting on Wednesday to talk about what to do about my grandmother, whose health continues to decline. I didn't realize that my mom was sick this weekend, even though I saw her twice, and I feel terrible about it. She looked okay both times I saw her but she mentioned in an email today that she'd spent five hours on Saturday dealing with my grandmother's issues (taking her to the chiropractor, making her lunch, pushing her around the grocery store in a wheelchair, getting her prescriptions, etc.) and that she thought that was what had made her feel run-down. My grandmother is less than five feet tall and weighs more than 250 pounds. She also doesn't have a lot in the way of content filters on what comes out her mouth. She also is not, God love her, the sharpest tool in the shed. My mother is a complete saint for doing all she does for her mother and I am continuously overwhelmed and awed by my mother's devotion to her mother and to doing right by her mother, even though her mother is a cranky ol' overweight biddy who doesn't always see the strain she puts on those around her and is very, very adept at the guilt game. I know that if my mother becomes old and decrepit and needs in-home care that I will take her into my home in an instant and care for her until the day she dies or needs help beyond what I can do for her, but the thing is, it's so incredibly easy to love my mother. She is so loving and thoughtful and compassionate and has such a good heart. The fact that she does the things I would do for her, for this crazy old lady who is her mother, is so moving to me. My mother makes me know that if there's a God up there, God is surely a woman.

12 Comments:

At January 24, 2006 12:03 AM, Blogger M said...

Well said.

 
At January 24, 2006 12:18 AM, Blogger suleyman said...

What did your brother do? Something other than marrying that gal everyone hates?

I don't have a will. I suppose I should get crackin'. I think I'll request that all of my possessions be buried with me, along with all of my servants - alive of course.

-Suley

 
At January 24, 2006 1:08 AM, Blogger HM said...

Haha, chuckling at Suley's comment. But really, wills, eeww.

So good to have you back! Glad you're finally feelin up to bloggin it again, and hope you don't have any more of those weeks again anytime soon!

 
At January 24, 2006 2:39 AM, Blogger Sweet. said...

So God's a woman, eh? Is that why women get to pop out rugrats after nine months of severe discomfort and emotional rollercoaster? Mwa ha ha!

Wanted you to know that I read The Savage Girl today. I like your taste, J. I just wish they would have answered the question, "What is the paradessence of pinto beans?"

 
At January 24, 2006 3:34 AM, Blogger Adeline said...

Mother daughter relationships sometimes seem like to most complicated creatures on this earth.

My grammy isn't a hag, or if she is, she isn't a hag to me and her body is about as broken as it gets and she resents the hell out of being reliant on others. So much so, she still tries to hustle to answer the door and trips over her tubes, which is why is now broken. right in the middle.

but being bedridden for so long has made her very sad.

we come into the world alone really and we go out alone, really.

i'm ok with that, i guess.

 
At January 24, 2006 7:27 AM, Blogger Cincy Diva said...

You know the old saying:
Live long enough to be a burden to your children.
Looks like your grandma has succeeded.
Your mom sounds as wonderful as mine. When her folks were living and in declining health she would drive from Batesville, Ind. to Springfield, Ohio 3 times a week to be with them.

 
At January 24, 2006 3:53 PM, Blogger Elemmaciltur said...

straight from the heart....

 
At January 24, 2006 7:43 PM, Blogger High Desert Diva said...

Aaw! Your Mom sounds like a beautiful woman! I thought God was a woman too...until I saw that the person driving the car with the "Jesus" name plate was an old dude. ;P

BTW: LOVE your pictures! Your 100 list was also cool :D

 
At January 24, 2006 8:07 PM, Blogger Sorted Lives said...

She chose you because you are nothing less than FABULOUS!! Hell, I would put you over my (speaking of my trashed out, drunken, whacked out family) estate.

My family would have wasted my money in my "afterlife" party. And yes, I would be pissed because I wasn't there.

Don't ever forget how wonderful you are and why she chose you... What an incredible honor.

 
At January 24, 2006 9:40 PM, Anonymous atpanda said...

Your mom sounds like a saint.
And to have such a good friend come out of a serious relationship? That's remarkable and admirable.

 
At January 25, 2006 10:46 AM, Blogger Sangroncito said...

I agree...god is definately female!
And good luck with grandma...I went through that a few years ago with my aging aunt.

 
At January 25, 2006 12:16 PM, Blogger Hu said...

There is no dog. ;-)

 

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