Word. Drunken words.
To feel better about shit:-It helps to have a very, very good friend who lives far away, with whom you can talk about anything. Specifically, how long it would take to drink yourself to death in Montana in January. It also helps if this person has experience with this sort of thing and can provide useful guidance.
-Do some landscaping. If you have a sharp bush or landscaping tool upon which you can cause yourself some pain, or if you have a wooden swing upon which you can bang your knuckles as you attempt to scoop up the dog crap under it, that helps too. Mow the lawn. Sweat.
-Drink some vodka. Make some sort of sour, icy concoction in the blender, which is referred to in your household as the busted-ass blender; like all physical objects you own, something is busted on it. In this case, the nozzle whatsit that you are supposed to use to pour your vodka concoction out with is broken, and is now covered with duct tape, the lid from the soy sauce bottle, a paper towel, and a Ziploc bag. Putting all these small items to use to stop your vodka concoction from leaking out of your busted-ass blender onto your unattractive 70s-style kitchen counter gives you at least a momentary sense of purpose in your life. You are creating a versatile solution for modern living by coming up with a solution to the busted-ass blender problem.
-Put on some bug spray and sit outside on your busted-ass concrete patio while you do the work you should have been doing instead of mowing the lawn. If you drank your vodka concoction like you ought to have, it will suddenly be very funny that the shit you spent the last week cracking your brain on has been rejected by your ex and "needs significant rework."
-Have some kinky sex, after which it is *mandatory* that you take a shower.
-Drink some more of that vodka concoction, and be sure to follow the "more water than liquor" rule so that you don't have a wretched hangover in the morning.
-Read blogs. Avoid doing work. Drink more water. Download Skype.
-Realize it's quater to one in the morning. Oops, too late to do any more work.
-Crash.
posted by Lurid @ 8/09/2005 10:59:00 PM
11 comments
11 Comments:
Stopping by to say hello....
Oh. My. Goodness. Late night wisdom, which is of course, the very best kind.
Now, I must know will the vodka concotion work if you do not have a broken-ass blender? Please rush details BEFORE I convert my shiny new blender into a broken-ass one.
Great post!!
nice day- our crash is usually somewhere between 7:30 and 8:30 pm- it would be hard to toss a baby into your mix:)
I'm glad things are turned (turning) around. Or at least a little less busted. And a little more ass...
so...the disappearance of the poison ivy pic...does that signify the beginning of the end of summer? No more itches and more wakeboarding? Nothing worse than doing a lot of work to find out that it needs "significant rework"...ahhhhhhhh...more vodka, please!
slushy vodka! the breakfast of champions!! (and shower-inducing sex, but I didn't say that, did I?)
I have an electric coffee grinder that I have to shove a knife into to get it to grind, since the little button broke off. I have a knob on my stove that apparently is irreplaceable so I jimmied it with some duct tape and glue and it seems to work. I once had a Sony BetaMax machine (yes, I know, I know) that only worked when I jammed a chop stick into one of its orafices (don't remember how I figured that one out the first time...) But my blender seems to be fine. :)
Wanna come over to our house? I live w/ the master martini maker. mmmmm
I've certainly done the "read more blogs" till you can't possibly do any more work step....
Thanks for visiting!
Oh, and I didn't know there was a song... I'll have to go listen to that :-)
Yes, I'll agree with the read blogs thing to avoid doing work.
i dig it, if only you bottle the whole thing up and drink it
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