Out of whack. More whack is on order.

For the past few days, I've been in la-la land. I took a brief hiatus from la-la land yesterday for about two hours during which I did nothing but sit at my desk at work and read blogs (slow day, but the rest of the week is making up for it), but then I went back to la-la land. I'm beginning to wonder if I live here permanently.

Stupid shit I have done in the past three days:

• Dropped a steak knife on M's foot while attempting to transfer it (the knife, not the foot) from the sink to the dishwasher. Major catastrophe and that big vein on the top of the foot were somehow avoided. I have no idea how I didn't accidentally impale his foot to the kitchen floor with that thing. Miraculously, it only nicked his ankle.
  
• Nearly ran over a handicapped woman driving a wheelchair grocery cart through Kroger with a baby in her lap. I was following her down an aisle and she stopped suddenly and I had a lot of crud in my cart and I didn't stop very quickly. I missed her by about a centimeter.
  
• Dropped a carton of eggs on the floor on the same grocery trip. Right in front of some dude loading broccoli onto the cooler shelves. Needless to say, it made a big mess and I felt real stupid. And also bad that the eggs were wasted. I am not a waster of things. I feel guilt when things are wasted.
  
• Did the whole "accidentally left some stuff on the roof of the car and then drove off and wondered what all that noise was" thing.
• Forgot to set the parking brake and nearly got killed when I was getting out of the car and it started to roll backward/forward. *Three times.*
• Dropped a plastic leftovers bowl right into the pot of spaghetti and then dropped the spoonful of spaghetti I was going to put into the bowl on top of the inverted bowl. Yeah, that was a mess to try to fish out of there.

Uh, I'm sure there is more, but my brain is not working. Today I was proofing some crud and about sixty times, I read the same paragraph over and over and still had no idea what it said. With proofing, you can't glaze over it and sorta do it half-assed; you have to apply brain to words in this rather strenuous way, if you're going to do it right and not miss something that someone will inevitably point out to you later and say, why didn't you catch that. Also, I listened to both traffic reports on my way to work--which I do every day with great focus because what they say on the radio determines my route to work--and then as soon as the traffic report was over, I instantly forgot everything that was in it. It is like my brain is water, and everything I try to stick it to has an oily coating on it. My brain rolls and gloops off of it and falls to the floor. And lays there looking up at me like, what are you looking at, fool.

BUT. At least I did not do what this truck driver did. Which I read about online when I got to work, since I failed twice to hear about it on the radio traffic report. This truck driver is driving on the highway, right, and he somehow manages to flip his truck over and lose control of the hunk of giant steel coils of doom that are on the back of his semi. And the truck flips, and the hunk of giant steel coils of doom, well, they say to the highway, prepare to meet thy doom, highway, and then the highway meets its doom. In the form of a giant gaping hole. This is of course on a bridge part of the highway that goes over an exit ramp leading into downtown, and chunks of concrete actually fell through the hole this made and onto the road below. Somehow, no one was hurt in all this mess. Except for the road.

I mean, look at it. Poor road. Innocently minding its business, and then the giant steel cables of doom bash it all up and make it unsightly.

Still and all, it's an impressive hole to behole-d.

That wasn't funny at all. I'd better go to bed.