Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Out of whack. More whack is on order.

For the past few days, I've been in la-la land. I took a brief hiatus from la-la land yesterday for about two hours during which I did nothing but sit at my desk at work and read blogs (slow day, but the rest of the week is making up for it), but then I went back to la-la land. I'm beginning to wonder if I live here permanently.

Stupid shit I have done in the past three days:
  • Dropped a steak knife on M's foot while attempting to transfer it (the knife, not the foot) from the sink to the dishwasher. Major catastrophe and that big vein on the top of the foot were somehow avoided. I have no idea how I didn't accidentally impale his foot to the kitchen floor with that thing. Miraculously, it only nicked his ankle.
  • Nearly ran over a handicapped woman driving a wheelchair grocery cart through Kroger with a baby in her lap. I was following her down an aisle and she stopped suddenly and I had a lot of crud in my cart and I didn't stop very quickly. I missed her by about a centimeter.
  • Dropped a carton of eggs on the floor on the same grocery trip. Right in front of some dude loading broccoli onto the cooler shelves. Needless to say, it made a big mess and I felt real stupid. And also bad that the eggs were wasted. I am not a waster of things. I feel guilt when things are wasted.
  • Did the whole "accidentally left some stuff on the roof of the car and then drove off and wondered what all that noise was" thing.
  • Forgot to set the parking brake and nearly got killed when I was getting out of the car and it started to roll backward/forward. *Three times.*
  • Dropped a plastic leftovers bowl right into the pot of spaghetti and then dropped the spoonful of spaghetti I was going to put into the bowl on top of the inverted bowl. Yeah, that was a mess to try to fish out of there.
Uh, I'm sure there is more, but my brain is not working. Today I was proofing some crud and about sixty times, I read the same paragraph over and over and still had no idea what it said. With proofing, you can't glaze over it and sorta do it half-assed; you have to apply brain to words in this rather strenuous way, if you're going to do it right and not miss something that someone will inevitably point out to you later and say, why didn't you catch that. Also, I listened to both traffic reports on my way to work--which I do every day with great focus because what they say on the radio determines my route to work--and then as soon as the traffic report was over, I instantly forgot everything that was in it. It is like my brain is water, and everything I try to stick it to has an oily coating on it. My brain rolls and gloops off of it and falls to the floor. And lays there looking up at me like, what are you looking at, fool.

BUT. At least I did not do what this truck driver did. Which I read about online when I got to work, since I failed twice to hear about it on the radio traffic report. This truck driver is driving on the highway, right, and he somehow manages to flip his truck over and lose control of the hunk of giant steel coils of doom that are on the back of his semi. And the truck flips, and the hunk of giant steel coils of doom, well, they say to the highway, prepare to meet thy doom, highway, and then the highway meets its doom. In the form of a giant gaping hole. This is of course on a bridge part of the highway that goes over an exit ramp leading into downtown, and chunks of concrete actually fell through the hole this made and onto the road below. Somehow, no one was hurt in all this mess. Except for the road.

I mean, look at it. Poor road. Innocently minding its business, and then the giant steel cables of doom bash it all up and make it unsightly.

Still and all, it's an impressive hole to behole-d.

That wasn't funny at all. I'd better go to bed.


At August 16, 2005 11:01 PM, Blogger Heather said...

I laughed so hard reading this post. Simply because I do stuff like that all the time!

At August 17, 2005 7:02 AM, Anonymous em said...

I was looking for my lasagna pan when I was moving. I realized the last time that I saw it was when I was getting ready to go to a work pot-luck last November when I was nine months pregnant. I put it on the roof of my car and well... I have no recollection of actually bringing it in to the conference room. I hope you have a better day:)

At August 17, 2005 7:34 AM, Anonymous Allan said...

I did the 'leaving something on the car roof and driving off' thing once.

It was a very expensive lesson.

So far, I have not done it again.

At August 17, 2005 7:49 AM, Anonymous E said...

oh...I just don't even know what to say other than "I am so sorry that I just had such a huge laugh at your expense!" That was just a hilarious post.

I think you need to get some sleep!

At August 17, 2005 11:10 AM, Anonymous Heather said...

I have goopy brain days/weeks sometimes too, where I just can't seem to absorb much of anything; I wonder what causes them?

That was funny... or I laughed anyway. It is an impressive hole, but wrecks like that just make me sick to look at/hear about. Scares me to death. Ever think about how driving is such a delicate balance? Especially on like 8 lane interstates with everyone going 80 miles an hour... geez, one person makes one wrong move and 20 people are screwed. It's scary.

Oh yeah, in answer to your question, she goes to school a few hours away. Oh well.

At August 17, 2005 2:51 PM, Blogger Sangroncito said...

La La Land is a great place to vacaction but sounds like you need a vacation from La La Land. I recommend lots of rest, a few stiff drinks and a full body massage and you'll be like new in the morning.

At August 17, 2005 4:03 PM, Blogger Jen said...

Hey! Thanks for stopping by my blog!

I bought a digital last year that I am starting to use quite a bit- it's a Fuji FinePix S7000. I have always been committed to film, but recently switched to digital and am really loving it.

So you're starting to sound/act like me with all the "ooops" moments you've had over the last 3 days. Sometimes I wonder how I even exist.....

At August 17, 2005 4:26 PM, Blogger Jen said...

PS- Thank you for the comment on my dog. He rocks!!!! I love greyhounds. He's the coolest dog- and he makes for a GREAT photograph. He's such a good poser.

IF you search around my blog, you'll find more shots of him. :)

At August 17, 2005 5:14 PM, Anonymous tatsuki said...

Hey its tatsuki! thank you for the amazing comment you left on my page about the character writing. i think it might help out alot. i read some of your stories on yrou other blog..and let me say..your..flawless. i was trying ot talk to a friend on the phone while reading your newest one and i swear to you i didn't hear a word he was saying. all i coudl hear was that boys voice in my head and my heart just started pouding in my ears during it. it was amazing.

At August 17, 2005 7:01 PM, Blogger greg said...

j, just a quick note to let you know that we have a new address, "mngblog.blogspot.com". look forward to your future comments.

At August 17, 2005 7:02 PM, Blogger cmhl said...

now I can RELATE to this post!!! strange things happen to me as well. and is is a very good thing you didn't run over the lady in the wheelchair with the baby, you would have had to implement some fancy footwork to explain THAT one to the judge.. ha!!

At August 17, 2005 7:11 PM, Blogger d.K. said...

When I go to that place where my brain is working in second gear, I tend to stay there for a month at a time... Circadian rythms on steroids or something! But you know what, thanks for posting those pics of the overturned semi-truck because, while I've done a lot of stupid things when I'm in low mode, I've never overturned a semi. Things could always be worse, right? :-)

At August 17, 2005 9:56 PM, Blogger Indigo said...

Yikes! Perhaps you need to get your head out of the clouds. ;-) However, that truck accident, geez, that's terrible! And the hole in the road is very impressive, I agree.

At August 17, 2005 10:56 PM, Blogger deputyswife said...

Okay, you need to sit down and not touch anything for a little while. And avoid that huge freakin hole on the way to work tomorrow!

At August 18, 2005 12:28 PM, Blogger Greg said...

Is Mercury in retrograde or something? Odd things like that have been happening to everyone around here the past few days, too.

At August 24, 2005 2:11 PM, Blogger firedawg said...

Maybe days like today make you appreciate the good ones.
Maybe it is just to give us all a laugh (Thank god I am not the only one!)

Hang in.
Greg (up North)


Post a Comment

<< Home